Online free porn at mobile phone

TobiC · 25th December 2009, 01:53

I hate how some people just go to fucking immediately. No one starts fucking that fast. Some scenes it is like hi, how big are you? I wanna fuck it.

Give us some foreplay for God's sakes. Something we can believe!

tagr · 25th December 2009, 05:42

No tats and/or clit piercings. Hate em.
Spitting on the girl,smacking her around.
ATM.

Rocky de Sade · 26th December 2009, 18:37

Porn stars with tattoos and ugly tit jobs.

igorthe · 26th December 2009, 21:49

While I somewhat agree with most of the original statement, the one point that really hits home is the nipple and clit piercings. I love giving oral sex to a womans body, but the only time I want to feel metal in my mouth is when I use a fork and spoon to eat. If it somehow gives the woman extra pleasure, i guess I can see that from her perspective. But I really could do without.

buttsie · 26th December 2009, 23:03

I must say i find it amusing that this topic is continually talked about
I've been seeing it brought up ever since I came online and joined the british girls adult film database

Code:

bgafd.co.uk

back in 2001

This list had me in stictches when i re-read it today...

Code:

http://bgafd.co.uk/forum/read.php?f=1&i=13807&t=13807#reply_13807

From 2001

Author: Bill Malone
Date: 09-09-01 06:59

Since someone asked, here's somethng I wrote a while back for a fanzine.

I don't expect a big "congratulations" from anyone, nor do I think it's worth bothering over if you're offended by any of it, which you shouldn't be as it's all a bit of fluff.

This is not intended as a jibe at anyone in the industry, it’s a personal thing written light heartedly. Please, anyone in the biz of making these great films, do not take it too seriously.

In fact why I watch porn at all is a mystery after reading this again....

************

Annoying things that annoy me. I mean, about porn
films, specifically.

1) Extended close ups of guy’s faces whilst either
fucking or being sucked – who cares what they’re
doing, show us the action?!

2) Extended close ups of/or camera panning off action
to something totally irrelevant; a statue or a pile of
clothes or the outside of the goddam house the sex is
taking place in. Or Ron Jeremy dressed as an Arab
apparently ‘watching’, when it was really filmed
months later. That sort of thing. Cutaways are not necessary, just use dissolves.

3) Condoms. Where’s the danger? Take a risk,
that’s why you’re being PAID to have sex, pal....

4) Music! Why? Always lousy, never necessary.
Usually lame rip-offs of existing songs (Cameo’s "Word
Up", Billie Idol’s "White Wedding" etc) or generic
hard rock. Or worse, Euro-pop! Music should fade out
once the action starts.

5) Dubbing the sex scenes. What a waste of money,
getting voice actors to sit in a sound booth kissing
their hands and making slurpy sounds or gasping and
moaning when the sound recording ALREADY EXISTS! If
it’s in a foreign language then dub the speaking, not
the sex!

6) Fucking PLOT! Who gives a flying shit about plot?
"You killed my husband, Brad, and you’re gonna pay.
But first, let’s have sex to a Billy Idol song." The
whole idea of putting plot in these films is coming
from those few who still think a crossover of porn
into mainstream cinema is still going to happen, which
it isn’t as THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON WHY PEOPLE WATCH
THESE FILMS (to get off) and that’s not something you can do at the
local Odeon without getting kicked out. Also if
all you’re after is wank material, would you really WANT to sit
or fast forward through 20 minutes of Jenna Jameson
being told how to put out fires or Asia Carrera
explaining some dodgy sub-spy plot?

7) Ugly men. I’d rather see ugly women than ugly men.

8) Annoying talking: Guys saying "You like that up
your ass, little church girl?", "Little church girl,
likes it up the ass, don’t you?" "Fuck the little
church girl up the ass," and many other variations,
twenty times in one scene (ie. Zane). This sort of male porn actor should
have their vocal chords removed. It’s like having sex whilst listening to talk radio.

9) Guys who almost innocently ignore the clit when
licking a girl. "Hey, what does this button do?"

10) Looping. Some camera man shoots ten seconds of a
DP then films a cutaway of the actress’ face. The
editor then repeats those two shots five times in a
row and pretends it’s a whole scene, not the same bit
repeated endlessly. Worse if the male actor’s stupid
dialogue keeps repeating with the loop... "They teach
you that at school?"..... "They teach you that at
school?".... "They teach you that at school?".....

11) Men who can’t get erections. Get off the fucking
film set and make way for someone who can.

12) Faked male cumshots. Can’t manage it? - Get a
stunt guy in then! Or another job.

13) Faked FEMALE cumshots. Sure, girls always dribble
a jar full of white natural yoghurt when they cum. You
didn’t just syringe it up there at all.

14) Faked female orgasms (the verbal "Yes, Yes, Oh
God" etc). Oh please.

15) J.P.Armaund. The Euro-star man is a worthless sack
of shit, guilty of many of the above sins. He CANNOT
get erections, he’s an ugly squashed fish of a man and
his "cumshots" are always accompanied by the
remarkable disappearance of his left hand; to the
syringe pre-loaded with 5 fluid ounces of wall paper
paste lying nearby. Ugly. Not hard. Can’t cum. Why
is he even employed for these films?

16) Euro babble between Magma compilation tapes.
"Enrique must be very careful. It’s not easy trying
to fit such a long hard stab into the lady’s backdoor,
but I’m sure he’s gonna manage. Come on then, let us
cream this fucking kelsey. Put your lipstick on his
dipstick. This fucking piece of trade likes it where
the sun doesn’t shine. Watch here, you guys and you’ll see."
That sort of thing. Do these voice over artists
include this on their CVs?

17) Bad lighting. Why bother – if the cameraman can’t
see it, how do you expect us to?

18) White flecky things on dicks. You haven’t washed
it for a week and you want her to put it in her mouth?
YOU suck it!

19) Guys who slap their cocks against women’s mouths, pussy’s
or arses like baseball bats. Why are you doing this? Is it on fire?

20) A majority of poorly created silicone enhancements. If you’re moving a barrel
full of water, you expect to see some movement on the
surface, right? Watching Leanna Heart’s painfully
overstuffed breasts sit motionless on her chest like
two volleyballs waiting to roll off when she gets up
is extremely boring. And those stretch marks. Urgh.
And those SCARS! Eeewww!!!
(Saying that, Layla Jade’s are gorgeous!)

21) Vivid girls. Or is it Vivid girl. Is it me or do
they all look identical with all that make up?

22) Nipple or clit piercing. Doesn’t it seem a tad
pointless making a big hole through the most
sensitive part of your body with a red hot needle,
then keeping a bit of metal in the wound so it never heals? Doesn’t
that, like, hurt? And make it not sensitive anymore?
Hello?

23) Tattoos. A girl has her breasts enlarged and a
panther tattooed on one. She gets a little older and
changes her mind and/or they sag, the implant is
removed, the panther stretches and becomes a giraffe.
Mmmm. Attractive.

As I said, please don’t take any of it personally. It’s just bollocks that pop into my mind as I get put off by something irrelevant whilst trying to get off. In the end, you’re the porn star’s. I’m not. I lose!

All the grievances are pretty much the same and for mine they all comeback to 2 things

Anybody who wants to be get into porn can - no standards

Anybody who has the cash to make porn and sell it can - ditto

Probably the stupidest thing the industry everdid was to use the footage of photo shoots which show us exactly how contrived pictures and video really are...made a few producers a quick buck but it laid bare what really happens and watching porn was never the same again

Back in my day(DB 1966...80s/90s)you had to at least be half decent looking to get into modelling/porn/adult industry...and if you werent your only really chance was as a girlfriend in the readers wives section of a magazines like escort/fiesta/people etc

Seems porn has now turned that upside down so you have a plethora of amateurs who at best would be described as average looking

qball43 · 30th December 2009, 01:43

Exactly what I've been wanting to say. Hope somebody's listening.

thruster315 · 30th December 2009, 03:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by buttsie

21) Vivid girls. Or is it Vivid girl. Is it me or do
they all look identical with all that make up?

Not when Vivid first started the Vivid Girl features. Back in the day, it was very distinct and unique gals like Christy Canyon, Racquel Darrian, Janine Lindemulder, Jenteal, Kobe Tai, Asia Carrera, and a handful of others.

I agree since then, they've all become sort of generic with or without that makeup.

voidster · 30th December 2009, 03:59

i myself would move #8 to the first spot. When your watching the woman becomes your virtual girl for well..what 4 minutes? no other voices are necessary, my woman ..OUT! get out of my porn you talking fetish dudes! if you want to talk, go to a waffle house and chat with the people over a coffee.

rtj · 30th December 2009, 04:02

Thank you for saying what I've been thinking for quite some time now.

tagr · 30th December 2009, 04:23

I agree with everything you said except the POV porn.The reason for that is I'll never see a cutaway to the male actor (major turn off). The camera is always on the female performer (major turn on). I will add an additional annoyance though. The facial. I hate them! Bloew it on her body or better yet her pussy.

26th December 2009, 23:03	#215
buttsie Registered User Forum Lord Join Date: May 2008 Location: australia Posts: 1,642 Thanks: 12,535 Thanked 8,449 Times in 1,551 Posts	I must say i find it amusing that this topic is continually talked about I've been seeing it brought up ever since I came online and joined the british girls adult film database Code: bgafd.co.uk back in 2001 This list had me in stictches when i re-read it today... Code: http://bgafd.co.uk/forum/read.php?f=1&i=13807&t=13807#reply_13807 From 2001 Author: Bill Malone Date: 09-09-01 06:59 Since someone asked, here's somethng I wrote a while back for a fanzine. I don't expect a big "congratulations" from anyone, nor do I think it's worth bothering over if you're offended by any of it, which you shouldn't be as it's all a bit of fluff. This is not intended as a jibe at anyone in the industry, it’s a personal thing written light heartedly. Please, anyone in the biz of making these great films, do not take it too seriously. In fact why I watch porn at all is a mystery after reading this again.... ************ Annoying things that annoy me. I mean, about porn films, specifically. 1) Extended close ups of guy’s faces whilst either fucking or being sucked – who cares what they’re doing, show us the action?! 2) Extended close ups of/or camera panning off action to something totally irrelevant; a statue or a pile of clothes or the outside of the goddam house the sex is taking place in. Or Ron Jeremy dressed as an Arab apparently ‘watching’, when it was really filmed months later. That sort of thing. Cutaways are not necessary, just use dissolves. 3) Condoms. Where’s the danger? Take a risk, that’s why you’re being PAID to have sex, pal.... 4) Music! Why? Always lousy, never necessary. Usually lame rip-offs of existing songs (Cameo’s "Word Up", Billie Idol’s "White Wedding" etc) or generic hard rock. Or worse, Euro-pop! Music should fade out once the action starts. 5) Dubbing the sex scenes. What a waste of money, getting voice actors to sit in a sound booth kissing their hands and making slurpy sounds or gasping and moaning when the sound recording ALREADY EXISTS! If it’s in a foreign language then dub the speaking, not the sex! 6) Fucking PLOT! Who gives a flying shit about plot? "You killed my husband, Brad, and you’re gonna pay. But first, let’s have sex to a Billy Idol song." The whole idea of putting plot in these films is coming from those few who still think a crossover of porn into mainstream cinema is still going to happen, which it isn’t as THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON WHY PEOPLE WATCH THESE FILMS (to get off) and that’s not something you can do at the local Odeon without getting kicked out. Also if all you’re after is wank material, would you really WANT to sit or fast forward through 20 minutes of Jenna Jameson being told how to put out fires or Asia Carrera explaining some dodgy sub-spy plot? 7) Ugly men. I’d rather see ugly women than ugly men. 8) Annoying talking: Guys saying "You like that up your ass, little church girl?", "Little church girl, likes it up the ass, don’t you?" "Fuck the little church girl up the ass," and many other variations, twenty times in one scene (ie. Zane). This sort of male porn actor should have their vocal chords removed. It’s like having sex whilst listening to talk radio. 9) Guys who almost innocently ignore the clit when licking a girl. "Hey, what does this button do?" 10) Looping. Some camera man shoots ten seconds of a DP then films a cutaway of the actress’ face. The editor then repeats those two shots five times in a row and pretends it’s a whole scene, not the same bit repeated endlessly. Worse if the male actor’s stupid dialogue keeps repeating with the loop... "They teach you that at school?"..... "They teach you that at school?".... "They teach you that at school?"..... 11) Men who can’t get erections. Get off the fucking film set and make way for someone who can. 12) Faked male cumshots. Can’t manage it? - Get a stunt guy in then! Or another job. 13) Faked FEMALE cumshots. Sure, girls always dribble a jar full of white natural yoghurt when they cum. You didn’t just syringe it up there at all. 14) Faked female orgasms (the verbal "Yes, Yes, Oh God" etc). Oh please. 15) J.P.Armaund. The Euro-star man is a worthless sack of shit, guilty of many of the above sins. He CANNOT get erections, he’s an ugly squashed fish of a man and his "cumshots" are always accompanied by the remarkable disappearance of his left hand; to the syringe pre-loaded with 5 fluid ounces of wall paper paste lying nearby. Ugly. Not hard. Can’t cum. Why is he even employed for these films? 16) Euro babble between Magma compilation tapes. "Enrique must be very careful. It’s not easy trying to fit such a long hard stab into the lady’s backdoor, but I’m sure he’s gonna manage. Come on then, let us cream this fucking kelsey. Put your lipstick on his dipstick. This fucking piece of trade likes it where the sun doesn’t shine. Watch here, you guys and you’ll see." That sort of thing. Do these voice over artists include this on their CVs? 17) Bad lighting. Why bother – if the cameraman can’t see it, how do you expect us to? 18) White flecky things on dicks. You haven’t washed it for a week and you want her to put it in her mouth? YOU suck it! 19) Guys who slap their cocks against women’s mouths, pussy’s or arses like baseball bats. Why are you doing this? Is it on fire? 20) A majority of poorly created silicone enhancements. If you’re moving a barrel full of water, you expect to see some movement on the surface, right? Watching Leanna Heart’s painfully overstuffed breasts sit motionless on her chest like two volleyballs waiting to roll off when she gets up is extremely boring. And those stretch marks. Urgh. And those SCARS! Eeewww!!! (Saying that, Layla Jade’s are gorgeous!) 21) Vivid girls. Or is it Vivid girl. Is it me or do they all look identical with all that make up? 22) Nipple or clit piercing. Doesn’t it seem a tad pointless making a big hole through the most sensitive part of your body with a red hot needle, then keeping a bit of metal in the wound so it never heals? Doesn’t that, like, hurt? And make it not sensitive anymore? Hello? 23) Tattoos. A girl has her breasts enlarged and a panther tattooed on one. She gets a little older and changes her mind and/or they sag, the implant is removed, the panther stretches and becomes a giraffe. Mmmm. Attractive. As I said, please don’t take any of it personally. It’s just bollocks that pop into my mind as I get put off by something irrelevant whilst trying to get off. In the end, you’re the porn star’s. I’m not. I lose! All the grievances are pretty much the same and for mine they all comeback to 2 things Anybody who wants to be get into porn can - no standards Anybody who has the cash to make porn and sell it can - ditto Probably the stupidest thing the industry everdid was to use the footage of photo shoots which show us exactly how contrived pictures and video really are...made a few producers a quick buck but it laid bare what really happens and watching porn was never the same again Back in my day(DB 1966...80s/90s)you had to at least be half decent looking to get into modelling/porn/adult industry...and if you werent your only really chance was as a girlfriend in the readers wives section of a magazines like escort/fiesta/people etc Seems porn has now turned that upside down so you have a plethora of amateurs who at best would be described as average looking Last edited by bill_az; 29th December 2009 at 17:44. Reason: links

25th December 2009, 01:53	#211
TobiC Registered User Novice Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 92 Thanks: 100 Thanked 111 Times in 48 Posts	I hate how some people just go to fucking immediately. No one starts fucking that fast. Some scenes it is like hi, how big are you? I wanna fuck it. Give us some foreplay for God's sakes. Something we can believe!

25th December 2009, 05:42	#212
tagr Registered User Addicted Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Midwest USA Posts: 216 Thanks: 1,206 Thanked 302 Times in 126 Posts	No tats and/or clit piercings. Hate em. Spitting on the girl,smacking her around. ATM.

26th December 2009, 18:37	#213
Rocky de Sade Registered User Virgin Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 7 Thanks: 5 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Porn stars with tattoos and ugly tit jobs.

26th December 2009, 21:49	#214
igorthe Registered User Newbie Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 34 Thanks: 6,835 Thanked 61 Times in 17 Posts	While I somewhat agree with most of the original statement, the one point that really hits home is the nipple and clit piercings. I love giving oral sex to a womans body, but the only time I want to feel metal in my mouth is when I use a fork and spoon to eat. If it somehow gives the woman extra pleasure, i guess I can see that from her perspective. But I really could do without.

30th December 2009, 01:43	#216
qball43 Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 1 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Exactly what I've been wanting to say. Hope somebody's listening.

30th December 2009, 03:59	#218
voidster Registered User Newbie Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 24 Thanks: 49 Thanked 25 Times in 11 Posts	i myself would move #8 to the first spot. When your watching the woman becomes your virtual girl for well..what 4 minutes? no other voices are necessary, my woman ..OUT! get out of my porn you talking fetish dudes! if you want to talk, go to a waffle house and chat with the people over a coffee.

30th December 2009, 04:02	#219
rtj Registered User Newbie Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 25 Thanks: 387 Thanked 12 Times in 9 Posts	Thank you for saying what I've been thinking for quite some time now.

30th December 2009, 04:23	#220
tagr Registered User Addicted Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Midwest USA Posts: 216 Thanks: 1,206 Thanked 302 Times in 126 Posts	I agree with everything you said except the POV porn.The reason for that is I'll never see a cutaway to the male actor (major turn off). The camera is always on the female performer (major turn on). I will add an additional annoyance though. The facial. I hate them! Bloew it on her body or better yet her pussy.