Meeting new people in your 30s...how?

[sordi88]

Hello.

I have often discussed the fact I'm stuck in a weird situation where I spent the last 13 years in celibacy (after a satisfying sexual life in my late teens) as simply nothing happened; I wasn't able to meet a girl interested in me (or vice versa) and to be fair I haven't met any new girls at all (not even new male friends, to be fair)

I'm determined this summer to try my best to get back into the game, but there's the biggest problem of all...

How the hell do you meet new people in your 30s?

Sounds like a stupid question, but I'll explain.

I am a very shy and paranoid person, so I'll never be the one saying "hello" a random girl in the park or a bar, but when I was a late teen I had no trouble meeting people, as I had charisma and at that age there are many occasions for socialisation, with your school friends, parties and such things.

Right now I'm in this weird spot where I literally have no idea how to meet new people...especially potential romantic interests...(I'm 32).
There's also the fact I work from home to consider (been doing so for 10 years) and while I adore my job, it reduces the chance to meet new people even more drastically (Usually when I ask people in their 30s how they met people it's either through work connections or dating apps).

Now I don't want to judge what other people do as it's their right and I, again, am no one to judge...
But I personally find the idea of using any dating app to be very uncomfortable, as I don't like the "catalogue" aspect of it...
On the other hand at 32 you simply cannot behave like a late teen without embarrassing yourself...
I cannot crash to a random party where I know nobody, I can't randomly go to univesrity to flirt with girls and anything like that; not to mention you don't have the immense social circle you have while you're in high school.
I actually have a stable group of friends, but no new people come inside of it, as most of the participants are either married, or in long and stable relationships...LOL I'm actually the loner of the group.

So I ask you...
How the hell do you meet new people in your 30s (without dating apps)?

I'm not here to complain or engage in self-loathing,I'm genuinely interested in some general advice, but at this point I'm starting to feel I just have to wait and hope for a stroke of luck (eventually).

Thanks, love you all!
<3

[alexora]

32 is still a young age: I wish I could be that age again.

I suggest you work making true male friends: through such a circle you will meet women.

Girls and women are attracted to men who are socially active, but not so much to individuals who ride 'solo'.

[sordi88]

Originally Posted by alexora

32 is still a young age: I wish I could be that age again.

I suggest you work making true male friends: through such a circle you will meet women.

Girls and women are attracted to men who are socially active, but not so much to individuals who ride 'solo'.

Hey m8, I always appreciate you answering my posts!
Anyway, don't believe I haven't pondered that...
I'm actually socially active and I have about 20 friends (about 14 here, 6 in other parts of the world), and I often see them, but no new people come inside of the group as it is pretty stable.
As said, most of the friends are married or in long term relationships, so there's never a new person (male or female) to meet.
Also, not being kids anymore, we mostly meet for dinner parties at someone's house or for a round of drinks (still at someone's house).

It's a very weird situation.

[alexora]

Originally Posted by sordi88

Also, not being kids anymore, we mostly meet for dinner parties at someone's house or for a round of drinks (still at someone's house).

Persuade you mates to switch from someone's house to bars and clubs.

[sordi88]

Originally Posted by alexora

Persuade you mates to witch from someone's house to bars and clubs.

Won't be easy.
Having "settled" (relatively speaking) they lost interest.
Not that I would know what to do even if I went to a club, mind you

I hope something in the summer's air (fun fact, actually my least favourite season) will make things move.
There's always more social activity in the summer...I just have to find a way to take advantage of it.

[vimla]

I see your problem as it isn't easy when you work from home, as you can't flirt with a cute girl from work around the "water cooler".

But I don't know if any of your friends can be your "wingman" if you go the club or bar, but then again it all depends what their gf/wives says.

And you would need to build you confidence, as girls loves a guy with confidence, but don't be afraid to be rejected as it's better to try to newer have tried at all.

And if you get rejected you will most likely newer see that girl again, so no harm, but if you got an office job maybe try work from there and slowly build up your confidence and your social game.

It makes wonders getting out the house as much as you can, and remember it's always easier to talk too girls when you're a little drunk or if the girl is a little tipsy.

It's not easy, but maybe try to get confidence up and try an app like tinder, but it isn't easy, but one of the hardest social things is making adult friends from scratch when you work from home.

[Tristann]

Dancing: salsa, kizumba, tango, etc. I am a good dancer myself and help you know new ppl and especially women, who are very demanding for contacts....

[SynchroDub]

Originally Posted by vimla

It's not easy, but maybe try to get confidence up and try an app like tinder, but it isn't easy, but one of the hardest social things is making adult friends from scratch when you work from home.

I wouldn't recommend Tinder, or any other "tap-switch" dating App, tbh.
Girls, there, are scared by "creeps" who send them unsolicited pics of their penises, or ask to hook up asap or that create fake profiles in order to gain attention (ie. Multi-millionaire living in Dubai and things like that).
And chances of getting an actual contact, there, are far from beyond, considering the HUGE amount of shit girls have to go through.

OKCupid or POF are still valuable dating sites, as they both offer profiles verification through phone numbers and they're totally FREE. And if those doesn't work and you have FB, there's FB Dating, which seems like a good alternative.

Either way, don't be too harsh on yourself, sordi. It's not the end of the world to be 32 and still be single.
If you can't find a GF, focus on your job, hobbies, family and what not.
If it has to happen, it will happen, one day.

Personally I haven't had any relationship since 12 years, now. I'm 33, and I went through a lot of shit over the years, including the loss of my mother at a very young age, and a decade long battle with depression.
I should've probably been "suicidal", by now, but i'm not.
I live day by day, and just find solace and happiness through the most little things in life.
Sure, there are days where I feel like crap.......but who doesn't have any bad day?

Don't be harsh on yourself, sordi.

[JustKelli]

^^^^^ This is not meant to be mean-spirited or anything else other than an observation, not the best resume to be giving dating advice hun. You appear to be have become somewhat bitter over the course of the last year or two and it shows in your posting style of late which is unfortunate because you were a really decent guy once upon a time, something changed. Do not take offense to this but use it as a life lesson because if you're going to post in this thread you leave yourself open to response that might not always go your way.

As for the OP, stay away from women in their 30s they're all weirdos lol, (I will be 38 in a few short months so I know) Plus we reach our sexual peak in our late thirties and early forties so you better have an A game. But then again my guy is nearing his mid-twenties and is a professional athlete so what do I know LOL

Unfortunately for you shy and paranoid are not the most attractive qualities in a man, dig deep for your sense of humour women love a man with a good sense of humour, you know who likes a sense of humour in a man, a woman in her early forties that's where you should be focussing your attention unless it's marriage that you seek but even then. Not to mention that women in their forties are a lot less discerning than women in their 30s as a general rule, but head games and neediness are definite turn offs for any woman regardless of age. The one complaint I hear constantly from women friends of mine that are in their forties is that men their own age are set in their ways and that's what they got away from originally when their marriage is or relationships dissolved. That's not to say that there aren't a lot of really great guys in their forties so don't take the wrong message from this

Alexora makes a good point that your circle of friends definitely is a major consideration and can determine whether you fail or succeed because that woman will not only be dating you but your friends as well figuratively of course

Start slow change one thing about yourself that you're not happy with and work from there eventually all the pieces will fall into place hun and you will find that special someone, also sometimes the best things happen when you're not looking for them they just come to you so don't try too hard just let it happen. Trying too hard will show right through you believe me we are good at seeing right through men straight to their heart

[SynchroDub]

Originally Posted by JustKelli

^^^^^ This is not meant to be mean-spirited or anything else other than an observation, not the best resume to be giving dating advice hun. You appear to be have become somewhat bitter over the course of the last year or two and it shows in your posting style of late which is unfortunate because you were a really decent guy once upon a time, something changed. Do not take offense to this but use it as a life lesson because if you're going to post in this thread you leave yourself open to response that might not always go your way.

What resume? I thought this was not a job-related thing, LOL.
What did I miss here, Lady?

I admit I've been in terrible shape, as of lately, both with health as well with family life. Life sucks, sometimes, ya know? But I still DO laugh, regardless.
So nothing personal against anyone.
Bitter? I don't know what you mean by that, lady.
I post whatever floats in my head at the moment, and I don't think I ever insulted anyone publicly.
If you didn't liked something that I wrote, on here, I'm sorry.

Anywho, my advice came after reading several women experiences with Tinder and other similar Apps.
I personally gave up on everything online (except PS, where I met lots of good friends), as there's no comparison between having a face-to-face talk with a potential partner and talking over a chat or Skype, even if you're a goid-looking guy in good shape and form.
sordi asked for some advice regarding dating sites, I gave him my advice based both on my experiences, as well with what I read from some women online.

With that said, I have lived without a GF for 11 years no problem.
It's not that i'm fat, ugly or look like shit, but quite the opposite. I'm no Brad Pitt, but I keep myself attractive.
I've been offered A LOT of sexual advances, over the years (from women, gay men and T-Girls as well), but I always refused them.
I know what I want, and sex-only relationships aren't my cup of tea, unfortunately.

So there it goes........