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miknight · 4th December 2018, 08:51

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Hope you enjoyed
-Mike

miknight · 4th December 2018, 08:52

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.

chokes999 · 9th December 2018, 01:58

Joke of the Week
A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

The gamekeeper shouts, “Dinnae drink thon water, mun, it’s foo o’ coo’s shite ’n’ pish.”

The man replies, “My good fellow, I’m English. Be a good chap and repeat that in the Queen’s English.”

The gamekeeper replies, “I said use both hands – you get more that way.”

chokes999 · 13th December 2018, 22:42

Sixty minutes was doing a feature on the wailing wall and it decided to interview a Jewish guy who was praying and in the process rocking his head back and forth into the wall.

Reporter: What are you doing?
Jewish guy: I am praying for peace between children and parents, neighbours and neighbours, mothers in law and daughters in law, Palestinians and Jews.
Reporter: How long have you been doing this?
Jewish guy: About 45 years
Reporter: What does it feel like?
Jewish guy: It's like hitting your head against a ******* brick wall.

Wallingford · 14th December 2018, 01:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by miknight

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Hope you enjoyed
-Mike

The difference in a woman in church and a woman in bathtub?

Woman in church has hope in her soul.

Difference in a rooster and a lawyer?

The rooster clucks defiant.

Difference in a cheerleader and a bowling ball?

You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

Put the curve on that last one.

Namcot · 3rd January 2019, 16:34

Namcot · 16th January 2019, 23:04

Canada's RUSH · 2nd February 2019, 22:50

A backwoods, West Virginia farmer enters a pharmacy and approaches the counter where a man is hard at work. Excuse me, sir, the farmer asks. Could you tell me where condoms are located? The man steals away from his work and looks at the farmer, when he sees the farmer seems to be rather disheveled and out of his element, and proceeds to show the farmer where condoms are. After a rather long time looking for what he needs, the farmer shouts, can I get some help? Startled, the pharmacist hurries to the farmer. May I help you, asks the man, irritated at being interrupted from his work. I can't find them, the farmer yelps. Can't find what, the pharmacist asks. I can't find condoms with pesticide. Condoms with pesticide? You mean spermicide. All condoms we carry only have spermicide, the pharmacist states. No, I mean pesticide. I want condoms with pesticide, the farmer angrily shouts. My wife has a bug up her ass and I want to kill it.

Aaron23062 · 21st April 2019, 12:03

Every year, the same problem....

It's "Easter Egg Hunt."

NOT "Easter a cunt."

spooners · 8th May 2020, 22:14

Two dogs were at the vets in cages. One says, "What are you in for?" He says, "My master left me home alone. I got lonely and I tore the couch up and chewed the table legs". "Wow, looks like the needle for you". "Yeah... it's over for me". What about you?

My master is a hot chick and wears sexy negliges all day. One day, she was leaning over the sink doing the dishes and drove it home.

Other dog: "Wow, the needle for you too!"

HELL NO! I'M HERE TO GET MY NAILS TRIMMED!"

4th December 2018, 08:51	#11
miknight Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Nov 2018 Posts: 6 Thanks: 2 Thanked 17 Times in 4 Posts	Funny Joke What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. Hope you enjoyed -Mike

9th December 2018, 01:58	#13
chokes999 Registered User Addicted Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 755 Thanks: 2,789 Thanked 1,720 Times in 636 Posts	Joke of the Week A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. The gamekeeper shouts, “Dinnae drink thon water, mun, it’s foo o’ coo’s shite ’n’ pish.” The man replies, “My good fellow, I’m English. Be a good chap and repeat that in the Queen’s English.” The gamekeeper replies, “I said use both hands – you get more that way.” Last edited by chokes999; 9th December 2018 at 01:59. Reason: spelling typo

21st April 2019, 12:03	#19
Aaron23062 Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Dec 2018 Location: United States Posts: 15 Thanks: 651 Thanked 39 Times in 12 Posts	Help for the hard of hearing sex freak Every year, the same problem.... It's "Easter Egg Hunt." NOT "Easter a cunt."

4th December 2018, 08:52	#12
miknight Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Nov 2018 Posts: 6 Thanks: 2 Thanked 17 Times in 4 Posts	What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

13th December 2018, 22:42	#14
chokes999 Registered User Addicted Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 755 Thanks: 2,789 Thanked 1,720 Times in 636 Posts	Sixty minutes was doing a feature on the wailing wall and it decided to interview a Jewish guy who was praying and in the process rocking his head back and forth into the wall. Reporter: What are you doing? Jewish guy: I am praying for peace between children and parents, neighbours and neighbours, mothers in law and daughters in law, Palestinians and Jews. Reporter: How long have you been doing this? Jewish guy: About 45 years Reporter: What does it feel like? Jewish guy: It's like hitting your head against a ******* brick wall.

3rd January 2019, 16:34	#16
Namcot Registered User Beyond Redemption Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 19,796 Thanks: 9,963 Thanked 86,202 Times in 16,162 Posts

16th January 2019, 23:04	#17
Namcot Registered User Beyond Redemption Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 19,796 Thanks: 9,963 Thanked 86,202 Times in 16,162 Posts

2nd February 2019, 22:50	#18
Canada's RUSH Junior Member Addicted Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: southeast of Philadelphia, PA Posts: 147 Thanks: 171 Thanked 295 Times in 94 Posts	A backwoods, West Virginia farmer enters a pharmacy and approaches the counter where a man is hard at work. Excuse me, sir, the farmer asks. Could you tell me where condoms are located? The man steals away from his work and looks at the farmer, when he sees the farmer seems to be rather disheveled and out of his element, and proceeds to show the farmer where condoms are. After a rather long time looking for what he needs, the farmer shouts, can I get some help? Startled, the pharmacist hurries to the farmer. May I help you, asks the man, irritated at being interrupted from his work. I can't find them, the farmer yelps. Can't find what, the pharmacist asks. I can't find condoms with pesticide. Condoms with pesticide? You mean spermicide. All condoms we carry only have spermicide, the pharmacist states. No, I mean pesticide. I want condoms with pesticide, the farmer angrily shouts. My wife has a bug up her ass and I want to kill it.

8th May 2020, 22:14	#20
spooners Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Apr 2020 Posts: 1 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Two dogs were at the vets in cages. One says, "What are you in for?" He says, "My master left me home alone. I got lonely and I tore the couch up and chewed the table legs". "Wow, looks like the needle for you". "Yeah... it's over for me". What about you? My master is a hot chick and wears sexy negliges all day. One day, she was leaning over the sink doing the dishes and drove it home. Other dog: "Wow, the needle for you too!" HELL NO! I'M HERE TO GET MY NAILS TRIMMED!"