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Tallifer · 4th February 2021, 08:42

My next door neighbour asked me if he could use my lawnmower.
I said "Certainly, but on one condition. It never leaves my garden "

redmond · 3rd May 2021, 02:51

Stanley, a Yorkshireman, is blunt-speaking man. He has no girlfriend.
So his mates take him to a dance and tell him to get on the dancefloor and be nice and complimentary to his partner.

They watch from the safey of the bar and all's going well until he leans in to the woman and speaks. They hear the scream across the dancefloor and the slap on his face.

He returns to the bar and they turn on him to find out what happened.

Well, he says, You told me to be nice so I says to her, 'Eee, thou don't sweat much for a fat lass, do thee!"

4dude · 11th August 2021, 07:53

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes I do." she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes I remember."

"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes I do", she replied. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."

tdb3333 · 11th December 2021, 22:50

Just been to the Doctors and he said to me "You've got a sexually transmitted disease" I was a bit embarrassed so i said "I must have caught it off a toilet seat" and he replied "You must have been eating it, it's in your Gums"

FaithIop · 16th January 2022, 20:15

Uhhh... the story is funny the situation is scary

Spaceman71 · 19th January 2022, 15:22

Saw this on imgur:
I like nipples because without them, tits would be pointless.

Hagbart · 26th September 2022, 13:17

What is sticky and brown? A stick!

Wallingford · 10th January 2023, 00:31

Why does a bald man still keep a hair dryer next to his shower?

Because he still has hair on his balls!

Tallifer · 30th January 2023, 12:56

What's a "Mamabufun"?

What a South African calls his mobile phone

sharedporn · 12th March 2023, 12:13

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning!

4th February 2021, 08:42	#51
Tallifer Registered User Addicted Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 793 Thanks: 16,346 Thanked 2,614 Times in 740 Posts	My next door neighbour asked me if he could use my lawnmower. I said "Certainly, but on one condition. It never leaves my garden " __________________ I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember

11th August 2021, 07:53	#53
4dude An Awesome Dude Addicted Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 965 Thanks: 298 Thanked 1,767 Times in 608 Posts	20 Years With My Wife A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes I do." she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes I remember." "Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?" "Yes I do", she replied. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."

30th January 2023, 12:56	#59
Tallifer Registered User Addicted Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 793 Thanks: 16,346 Thanked 2,614 Times in 740 Posts	What's a "Mamabufun"? What a South African calls his mobile phone __________________ I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember

3rd May 2021, 02:51	#52
redmond ... apropos of nothing ... Clinically Insane Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: London Posts: 4,264 Thanks: 31,026 Thanked 26,703 Times in 4,119 Posts	Stanley, a Yorkshireman, is blunt-speaking man. He has no girlfriend. So his mates take him to a dance and tell him to get on the dancefloor and be nice and complimentary to his partner. They watch from the safey of the bar and all's going well until he leans in to the woman and speaks. They hear the scream across the dancefloor and the slap on his face. He returns to the bar and they turn on him to find out what happened. Well, he says, You told me to be nice so I says to her, 'Eee, thou don't sweat much for a fat lass, do thee!"

11th December 2021, 22:50	#54
tdb3333 Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 1 Thanks: 11 Thanked 6 Times in 1 Post	Just been to the Doctors and he said to me "You've got a sexually transmitted disease" I was a bit embarrassed so i said "I must have caught it off a toilet seat" and he replied "You must have been eating it, it's in your Gums"

16th January 2022, 20:15	#55
FaithIop Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Jan 2022 Posts: 8 Thanks: 6 Thanked 20 Times in 7 Posts	Uhhh... the story is funny the situation is scary

19th January 2022, 15:22	#56
Spaceman71 Registered User Addicted Join Date: Oct 2021 Posts: 134 Thanks: 7,658 Thanked 642 Times in 122 Posts	Saw this on imgur: I like nipples because without them, tits would be pointless.

26th September 2022, 13:17	#57
Hagbart Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 19 Thanks: 119 Thanked 81 Times in 19 Posts	What is sticky and brown? A stick!

10th January 2023, 00:31	#58
Wallingford This ain't my first rodeo Postaholic Join Date: May 2012 Location: Destination Unknown Posts: 6,692 Thanks: 48,119 Thanked 23,970 Times in 6,125 Posts	Why does a bald man still keep a hair dryer next to his shower? Because he still has hair on his balls!

12th March 2023, 12:13	#60
sharedporn Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Mar 2023 Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post	Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning!