Bustergreens joke thread

[bustergreen]

Three of these words have something in common and one doesn't. Which one and why?

Wife
Dog
Meat
Blowjob


Answer later.....

[bustergreen]

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabby said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab" said the angry driver.

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabby replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

[bustergreen]

By the way, the answer to the first post is blowjob.

Why?

You can beat your wife, you can beat your dog, you can even beat your meat....but you just can't beat a blow job!

[bustergreen]

THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
9. Ahhh... I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
10. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a shit.
11. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
12. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
13. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
14. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
15. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
16. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
17. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
18. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
19. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
20. Oh I get it... like humor... but different...?

[bustergreen]

Let's revive my old thread:

A girl come home from her first day at school very excited!

"Mommy! Mommy! Today at school the teacher gave me a special prize because I could count all the way up to seven! Why is that Mommy?

"It's because you're blonde dear."

The next day the girl came home again very excited!

"Mommy! Mommy! I got another prize today because I could say the alphabet all the way up to the letter 'G'!"

"That's great dear."

"Is it because I'm blonde Mommy?"

"Yes dear."

The third day, the girl comes home very excited once again.

"Mommy! Mommy! Today at recess, all the girls were comparing the size of their chests, and guess what Mommy! My chest was bigger that any of the other girls on the playground!"

"That's nice dear."

"Is that because i'm blonde Mommy?"

"No dear, it's because you're 24."

[bustergreen]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room at the convent. They are warned however, by Mother Superior, that they are not to get so much as a drop of paint on their habits. They are unsure of how to accomplish this at first, but then decide it's best to just remove them. They begin to paint the room.

Some time later they are startled by a knock at the door. A man's voice calls out "Blind man!". They begin to reach for their habits, but decide what harm can it be if he's blind?
They walk over and open the door.

There is a man standing there with boxes in his arms, who takes one look at them and says, "Nice tits ladies, but where do you want these blinds?"

[bustergreen]

long time since I updated this thread, so how about another nun story?

2 nuns, having been cooped up in the convent for far too long, decided they would change out of their habits and go in to town for a few drinks. They end up in a local pub and are having such a good time, they forgot about the time until it is very late! They rush out of the bar and head back hoping to return before they are missed and gates are locked for the night.

To their dismay, they find the gates to the convent grounds firmly locked and no way over the high fence. They are unsure what to do next, until finally one of the sisters remembers hearing of an opening under the fence behind the convent and they might be able to sneak back in without getting caught. They set out to find it.

They found the area behind the convent was very heavily wooded, and they were forced to push their way through over-grown brush, over rock piles, down into ravines, and even had to wade through a small stream, all in near darkness, as there was only a small sliver of the moon showing that night. Eventually they found the rear fence and began searching for an opening, and were rewarded when they that indeed, there was a small opening under the fence.

The opening was very small, but they managed to squeeze through. By this time they were completely covered with leaves, mud and dirt. Brushing themselves off as best they could, they began making their way towards the convent,

"You know," said the first nun, " I kind of feel like a marine!"

The second nun turned to look at the first and replied, "So do I, but where do you think we can find one this at time of night?"

[bustergreen]

I went to my grandparents house the other day and i found my grandpa all over my grandma. Believe me, that is not a sight you want to see! Besides, it's very hard to get him back into the urn!

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I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She replied "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace". So, I brought her nothing!

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My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?" I said, "It's not what you think... it's ice cream". She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?" I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while masturbating?"

[bustergreen]

A woman's husband passes away and she holds a service for him. Before it begins, a man approaches her and asks if he could say a word at the appropriate time. She agrees and the service begins. When the moment is appropriate, the man stands and faces the gathering.
"Plethora!" he says, and sits back down. The widow leans over to him, smiles and says, "Thank you! That means a lot!"

[bustergreen]

I went shopping with the wife at the market the other day. Suddenly she looked at me and said, "My God you're a lazy fuck!" I was so taken back by this remark, I almost fell out of the shopping cart!