Online free porn at mobile phone

brokensaphire · 17th July 2013, 18:01

Two Serbian soldiers are holed up guarding a hill top. After a while, Pieter tells his buddy he is off for a shit, and heads off looking for a bush.

After 20 minutes, Dimitri starts getting worried, as Pieter still has not returned. Time continues to pass, and, more and more, Dimitri fears his comrade in arms has been killed.

After an hour Dimitri, decides to get on the radio and is just about to call for a unit to search for his fellow soldier, when Pieter appears, bold as brass, with a huge grin on his face.

Dimitri: "Pieter! Fucking hell I thought you were dead! Where have you been?"

Pieter: "Well I went off to find a bush to take a shit in and, when I found one, I was crouching down, when I saw this beautiful Croatian bitch; gorgeous tits, legs to die for. So, I finish my shit and I go over and I start fondling her tits, I stick my finger in her cunt, then I take out my cock and I fuck her hard, then I come on her tits. After that, I roll her over and fuck her again in the arse, then I roll her over again and I come again all over her tits!"

Dmitri: "Did she then suck the last of your come from your cock?"

Pieter: "Don't be a fucking idiot! Her head had been blown off by a grenade!"

brokensaphire · 17th July 2013, 18:05

Q: What is the difference between princess Diana and Tiger Woods?
A: Tiger has a better driver!

Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust

Q: What's red and crawls up your legs?
A: A homesick abortion.

Q: What's the hardest part on to eat on a vegetable?
A: The Wheelchair

Q: What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he hits puberty.

Q: What does a pedophile use a as lubricant?
A: Tears

Q: What did the blind, deaf and dumb baby get for Christmas?
A: Cancer

Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded

Q: How does an Ethiopian woman know when she's pregnant?
A: When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork

Q: What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
A: The New York Jets.

Q: Why did all the lights go off in Superbowl XLVII Ravens vs 49ers? A: Ray Lewis killed the lights

Q: What's the N.Y. Fire Departments favorite song?
A: "It's Raining Men"

Q: What's the difference between Mozart and Trayvon Martin?
A: Mozart was good at composing, Trayvon is currently decomposing.

Q: What's the difference between regular blood and period blood?
A: You can eat period blood with a fork.

Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs all taste like shit!

Q: What does a 70yr old snatch smell like?
A: depends

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: You only need one nail to put the picture up.

Q: Whats red and smells of holly?
A: Ian Huntley's cock

Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

Q: How can you tell if you have really bad acne?
A: If the blind can read your face.

Q: What's the difference between Casey Anthony and Caylee Anthony jokes?
A: Casey Anthony jokes will get old

Q: What is the height of laziness?
A: A couple adopting a child.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: Widow

Q: Who's always happier than a necrophiliac in a morgue?

A: A pedophile in charge of an orphanage

Armanoïd · 17th July 2013, 18:14

Absent Friend · 17th July 2013, 18:21

...

Armanoïd · 17th July 2013, 18:24

Deckard's joke

Blade Runner scene: "Ok BAD JOKE..." rachel realizes she is not human - YouTube

1:29
LOL

brokensaphire · 17th July 2013, 18:35

I have been reluctant to post this one because it breaks all the rules here at the PlanetSuzy. I don't want to get into trouble, get this thread shut down or get banned. However, it is fuckin' hilarious and you might end up in hell for having laughed out loud.....BE THEE WARNED!

not for the faint of heart AND
anyone with hyper-sensitivity towards recent current events should refrain:

contains hidden content You will have to click 'thank you' to see hidden content

Armanoïd · 17th July 2013, 18:47

lol good one

timmodude · 17th July 2013, 20:03

Q - Why do you never give a woman a watch as a gift?

A - Because there's a clock on the stove.

Courtesy of Sir Charles Barkley

Toto · 17th July 2013, 20:05

Thread moved to AH.

koffieboon · 17th July 2013, 22:14

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part III

The Most Offensive Jokes Ever Part III - YouTube

17th July 2013, 18:01	#21
brokensaphire Kilroy was here..... Clinically Insane Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: The Desert Posts: 2,907 Thanks: 11,425 Thanked 18,837 Times in 2,807 Posts	The Serbian Death Threats should begin right about......... Two Serbian soldiers are holed up guarding a hill top. After a while, Pieter tells his buddy he is off for a shit, and heads off looking for a bush. After 20 minutes, Dimitri starts getting worried, as Pieter still has not returned. Time continues to pass, and, more and more, Dimitri fears his comrade in arms has been killed. After an hour Dimitri, decides to get on the radio and is just about to call for a unit to search for his fellow soldier, when Pieter appears, bold as brass, with a huge grin on his face. Dimitri: "Pieter! Fucking hell I thought you were dead! Where have you been?" Pieter: "Well I went off to find a bush to take a shit in and, when I found one, I was crouching down, when I saw this beautiful Croatian bitch; gorgeous tits, legs to die for. So, I finish my shit and I go over and I start fondling her tits, I stick my finger in her cunt, then I take out my cock and I fuck her hard, then I come on her tits. After that, I roll her over and fuck her again in the arse, then I roll her over again and I come again all over her tits!" Dmitri: "Did she then suck the last of your come from your cock?" Pieter: "Don't be a fucking idiot! Her head had been blown off by a grenade!"

17th July 2013, 18:05	#22
brokensaphire Kilroy was here..... Clinically Insane Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: The Desert Posts: 2,907 Thanks: 11,425 Thanked 18,837 Times in 2,807 Posts	Please, do us all a favor and get your kids away from the computer.... Q: What is the difference between princess Diana and Tiger Woods? A: Tiger has a better driver! Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy? A: Crust Q: What's red and crawls up your legs? A: A homesick abortion. Q: What's the hardest part on to eat on a vegetable? A: The Wheelchair Q: What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? A: Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he hits puberty. Q: What does a pedophile use a as lubricant? A: Tears Q: What did the blind, deaf and dumb baby get for Christmas? A: Cancer Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics? A: Not being retarded Q: How does an Ethiopian woman know when she's pregnant? A: When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten. Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork Q: What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team? A: The New York Jets. Q: Why did all the lights go off in Superbowl XLVII Ravens vs 49ers? A: Ray Lewis killed the lights Q: What's the N.Y. Fire Departments favorite song? A: "It's Raining Men" Q: What's the difference between Mozart and Trayvon Martin? A: Mozart was good at composing, Trayvon is currently decomposing. Q: What's the difference between regular blood and period blood? A: You can eat period blood with a fork. Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic? A: The hotdogs all taste like shit! Q: What does a 70yr old snatch smell like? A: depends Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: You only need one nail to put the picture up. Q: Whats red and smells of holly? A: Ian Huntley's cock Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands. Q: How can you tell if you have really bad acne? A: If the blind can read your face. Q: What's the difference between Casey Anthony and Caylee Anthony jokes? A: Casey Anthony jokes will get old Q: What is the height of laziness? A: A couple adopting a child. Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: Widow Q: Who's always happier than a necrophiliac in a morgue? A: A pedophile in charge of an orphanage

17th July 2013, 18:14	#23
Armanoïd Clinically Insane Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: On earth Posts: 4,796 Thanks: 26,456 Thanked 21,998 Times in 4,695 Posts	__________________ Night Stalkers epicBackPack

17th July 2013, 18:35	#26
brokensaphire Kilroy was here..... Clinically Insane Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: The Desert Posts: 2,907 Thanks: 11,425 Thanked 18,837 Times in 2,807 Posts	Most Tasteless Joke Ever I have been reluctant to post this one because it breaks all the rules here at the PlanetSuzy. I don't want to get into trouble, get this thread shut down or get banned. However, it is fuckin' hilarious and you might end up in hell for having laughed out loud.....BE THEE WARNED! not for the faint of heart AND anyone with hyper-sensitivity towards recent current events should refrain: contains hidden content You will have to click 'thank you' to see hidden content

17th July 2013, 18:47	#27
Armanoïd Clinically Insane Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: On earth Posts: 4,796 Thanks: 26,456 Thanked 21,998 Times in 4,695 Posts	lol good one __________________ Night Stalkers epicBackPack

17th July 2013, 20:03	#28
timmodude Tittys & Kittys Beyond Redemption Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texass Posts: 12,062 Thanks: 63,242 Thanked 133,902 Times in 9,414 Posts	Q - Why do you never give a woman a watch as a gift? A - Because there's a clock on the stove. Courtesy of Sir Charles Barkley __________________ If you find a dead link of mine that you want reuploaded, just send me a message and I will reup as soon as possible!

17th July 2013, 20:05	#29
Toto Old Guard Militia Beyond Redemption Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Germania Posts: 15,250 Thanks: 36,786 Thanked 65,991 Times in 8,136 Posts	Thread moved to AH. __________________