Online free porn at mobile phone

porty · 17th June 2015, 01:45

Woman goes to the pharmacy.. 'i need viagra for my husband'

Pharmacist 'well madam it comes in 3 different doses.... 100% for all day sex, 75% for normal sex or a small 25 % dose which just lifts it a bit....'

Woman ' I'll take the 25% dose please'

Pharmacist 'Okay madam, but you know its useless for sex...'

Woman 'no thats fine, I'm fed up with him pissing on his slippers'

porty · 17th June 2015, 01:49

Woman phones pharmacy... ' Hello my husband needs something to keep his dick up'

Pharmacist 'sounds like he needs viagra, it will keep him long and hard for hours'

Woman 'can you get it over the counter?'

Pharmacist ' if I took 4 or 5 I might......'

Salice · 4th August 2015, 21:55

Two planets meet.

A: "How are you?"
B: "Pretty bad..."
A: "How come?"
B: "I've got 'homo sapiens'"
A: "Don't worry. I had that, too. It will pass soon."

Dazed Dude · 4th December 2015, 07:56

1. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

2. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

3. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

4. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

FallenAngel · 19th January 2016, 23:40

As we all know tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

spaceape · 29th January 2016, 22:33

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."

Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

credit to whicketywack on r/jokes

magnatek · 1st February 2016, 11:56

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"

AshleeyWhite · 7th May 2016, 07:54

A bannana is says to a dildo : " Hey why are you shaking? She`s gonna eat me, not you".

Same bannana says to the dildo : " Sh*t! Robocop! ".

kvoyager12 · 11th July 2016, 00:42

Florida woman stops alligator with a .25 cal Beretta pistol.

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband’s knee cap was all it took....

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.

His insurance was the big bonus. I’m comfortable now. “

JenniferPa · 20th July 2016, 12:43

Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw one strap of your bra.
Teacher: get out of the class for 1 week.
Two boys laughed, Teacher: why did you laugh:
boys: I saw both straps. Teacher: get out for 1 month. She bent down to take chalk, jony started walking out.
Teacher: jony, why you are going out?
Jony: what I just saw I think my school days are over.

29th January 2016, 22:33	#16
spaceape Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Jan 2016 Posts: 3 Thanks: 5 Thanked 7 Times in 3 Posts	Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up." Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way." credit to whicketywack on r/jokes Last edited by spaceape; 29th January 2016 at 22:35.

17th June 2015, 01:45	#11
porty Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 6 Thanks: 17 Thanked 19 Times in 4 Posts	Woman goes to the pharmacy.. 'i need viagra for my husband' Pharmacist 'well madam it comes in 3 different doses.... 100% for all day sex, 75% for normal sex or a small 25 % dose which just lifts it a bit....' Woman ' I'll take the 25% dose please' Pharmacist 'Okay madam, but you know its useless for sex...' Woman 'no thats fine, I'm fed up with him pissing on his slippers'

17th June 2015, 01:49	#12
porty Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 6 Thanks: 17 Thanked 19 Times in 4 Posts	Woman phones pharmacy... ' Hello my husband needs something to keep his dick up' Pharmacist 'sounds like he needs viagra, it will keep him long and hard for hours' Woman 'can you get it over the counter?' Pharmacist ' if I took 4 or 5 I might......'

4th August 2015, 21:55	#13
Salice Virgin Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Human °Y° Body Posts: 13 Thanks: 8,672 Thanked 10,963 Times in 1,852 Posts	Two planets meet. A: "How are you?" B: "Pretty bad..." A: "How come?" B: "I've got 'homo sapiens'" A: "Don't worry. I had that, too. It will pass soon."

4th December 2015, 07:56	#14
Dazed Dude Addicted Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 145 Thanks: 694 Thanked 521 Times in 128 Posts	1. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. 2. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed. 3. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor. 4. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

19th January 2016, 23:40	#15
FallenAngel Clinically Insane Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Mars Posts: 3,163 Thanks: 1,033 Thanked 10,346 Times in 2,600 Posts	As we all know tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

1st February 2016, 11:56	#17
magnatek Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Jan 2016 Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 38 Times in 3 Posts	A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"

7th May 2016, 07:54	#18
AshleeyWhite Newbie Join Date: Mar 2016 Location: Falled down from heaven, heading to hell. Posts: 22 Thanks: 78 Thanked 139 Times in 22 Posts	A bannana is says to a dildo : " Hey why are you shaking? She`s gonna eat me, not you". Same bannana says to the dildo : " Sh*t! Robocop! ".

11th July 2016, 00:42	#19
kvoyager12 Registered User Clinically Insane Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 2,387 Thanks: 30,123 Thanked 2,070 Times in 969 Posts	Florida woman stops alligator with a .25 cal Beretta pistol. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words: "While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband’s knee cap was all it took.... The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His insurance was the big bonus. I’m comfortable now. “

20th July 2016, 12:43	#20
JenniferPa Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 7 Thanks: 0 Thanked 20 Times in 6 Posts	Teacher: why did you laugh? Boy: I saw one strap of your bra. Teacher: get out of the class for 1 week. Two boys laughed, Teacher: why did you laugh: boys: I saw both straps. Teacher: get out for 1 month. She bent down to take chalk, jony started walking out. Teacher: jony, why you are going out? Jony: what I just saw I think my school days are over.