Online free porn at mobile phone

Chong Li · 27th June 2020, 21:58

Because he didn't want a stranger making most of his decisions for him.

krm98k · 19th September 2020, 06:37

Question: What's the difference between you and your paycheck?

Answer: You don't have to beg your wife to blow the paycheck.

allworkboy · 23rd September 2020, 00:35

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE

This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

A wedding dress - $5,000 VS Tux rental - $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, the outcome is the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they go to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor …. and to the men who will enjoy reading.

allworkboy · 16th October 2020, 18:18

The Truly Amazing Incredible Story of man and beast.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

ErinaFStaf · 19th January 2022, 19:23

Oh my God, I haven't laughed like that in a long time. I almost died of laughter while reading the topic.

assassinvenom · 1st June 2023, 21:51

A mother and her 5 year old daughter were driving down a highway one day when suddenly a giant dildo hits their windshield.

Daughter - Mommy, what was that?

Mom - (obviously didn’t want her daughter to know what it was) It was just a bug honey. Don’t worry about it.

A few seconds of silence...

Daughter - Well that bug had a big dick.

Canada's RUSH · 2nd October 2024, 03:06

A U. S. Navy sailor was working in the boiler room of his ship when he dies and is sent to Hell. In his room, he is happy and dancing around. The devil walks over to his room to check on his new recruit. He doesn't think much of it and continues on by. He walks by the next day and the sailor is singing and dancing. He thinks this is just a passing phase. The next day, he passes the sailor's room and he is still dancing. The devil said I'm going to fix him so he raises the temp to an unbearable setting. The sailor is still dancing. The devil is now mad so he lowers the temp to the point of freezing. And still, the sailor is dancing. The devil is very mad. So he goes to the sailor I raised the temp and you're dancing and singing. I lowered the temp and it feels as if we're in the Arctic and you're still dancing and I'm cold. What's your story? Well, I'm from Boston and the Red Sox won the World Series.

27th June 2020, 21:58	#21
Chong Li Junior Member Newbie Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Up The Road Posts: 28 Thanks: 11 Thanked 87 Times in 25 Posts	Why Did The Man Give A Name To His Penis? Because he didn't want a stranger making most of his decisions for him.

19th September 2020, 06:37	#22
krm98k Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 1 Thanks: 648 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Question: What's the difference between you and your paycheck? Answer: You don't have to beg your wife to blow the paycheck. Last edited by krm98k; 19th September 2020 at 06:39. Reason: grammar

23rd September 2020, 00:35	#23
allworkboy Registered User Clinically Insane Join Date: Mar 2019 Posts: 2,730 Thanks: 6,893 Thanked 8,719 Times in 2,513 Posts	MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender. Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. A wedding dress - $5,000 VS Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier! NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, the outcome is the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they go to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor …. and to the men who will enjoy reading.

16th October 2020, 18:18	#24
allworkboy Registered User Clinically Insane Join Date: Mar 2019 Posts: 2,730 Thanks: 6,893 Thanked 8,719 Times in 2,513 Posts	The Truly Amazing Incredible Story of man and beast. In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

19th January 2022, 19:23	#25
ErinaFStaf Junior Member Virgin Join Date: Jan 2022 Posts: 8 Thanks: 2 Thanked 20 Times in 8 Posts	Oh my God, I haven't laughed like that in a long time. I almost died of laughter while reading the topic.

1st June 2023, 21:51	#26
assassinvenom Junior Member Newbie Join Date: Jul 2015 Posts: 22 Thanks: 18 Thanked 35 Times in 9 Posts	A mother and her 5 year old daughter were driving down a highway one day when suddenly a giant dildo hits their windshield. Daughter - Mommy, what was that? Mom - (obviously didn’t want her daughter to know what it was) It was just a bug honey. Don’t worry about it. A few seconds of silence... Daughter - Well that bug had a big dick.

2nd October 2024, 03:06	#27
Canada's RUSH Junior Member Addicted Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: southeast of Philadelphia, PA Posts: 148 Thanks: 171 Thanked 295 Times in 94 Posts	A U. S. Navy sailor was working in the boiler room of his ship when he dies and is sent to Hell. In his room, he is happy and dancing around. The devil walks over to his room to check on his new recruit. He doesn't think much of it and continues on by. He walks by the next day and the sailor is singing and dancing. He thinks this is just a passing phase. The next day, he passes the sailor's room and he is still dancing. The devil said I'm going to fix him so he raises the temp to an unbearable setting. The sailor is still dancing. The devil is now mad so he lowers the temp to the point of freezing. And still, the sailor is dancing. The devil is very mad. So he goes to the sailor I raised the temp and you're dancing and singing. I lowered the temp and it feels as if we're in the Arctic and you're still dancing and I'm cold. What's your story? Well, I'm from Boston and the Red Sox won the World Series.